Alternate Reality
by kennysgurl
Summary: What happens when all the Rurouni Kenshin character's personalities are flipped? Its an alternate reality!


***.:::Alternate Reality:::.***  
  
Where everything you thought was normal turns. . .well, different.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Deep in the dreary darkness of the night, silent covers the land. Everything is unusually black and glaring, at the Kamiya dojo. No lights are lit, not one is speaking, and most seems at rest. Is everyone really asleep?  
  
Someone, someone purposefully trying to hide them self in the bleakness of the night, concealed in the darkness, bit by bit crept towards Kaoru Kamiya's room. Slowly, slowly they tread towards the door, pushing it gradually off to the side, soundlessly. And as the sinister person of the night lifts up their sword, luminous, gleaming an evil radiance of light, a scream is heard.  
  
Sano stood in the doorway, the lights now on, his gaping mouth open in the shape of a gigantic "O". He screamed again, quite a girly high-pitched scream that would break any glass window, and anyone's eardrum.if they were lucky to survive.  
Kenshin froze, the sinister gleam of the sword reflecting off of his eyes, the sword still poised above the drooling, amazingly-still-asleep- after-Sano's-death-scream, Kaoru. The red haired swordsman slowly pulled back his sword and sheathed it.  
"Dang you, Sano!" Kenshin mumbled angrily, "It was truly perfect this time!" Sano fluttered over to the angry assassin. "She may have thought that you really told the truth, promising to not attempt to kill her again, but nope! I didn't fall for it for a single second!" Sano chirped. "No I didn't!" He chirped again and started to fly around the room like a total idiot.  
Kenshin slapped his forehead. Half in frustration, and the other half out of having to watch Sano look like a total idiot one more time. "Hey Uncle-Kenny!" Sano called, poised in from of the window, "I'm a birdie! I can fly!"  
"Sano you moron! Don't you know human can't fl- " &^%$#!BANG!#$%^& An evil smirk spread across Kenshin's face. "Finally, now that the annoying pest is finally dead-" Kenshin paused. He then began to laugh. "Dead! Dead! DEAD I TELL YOU! DEAD!!!!!!!!!" He continued to laugh hysterically, then paused and cleared his throat-"I can finally kill this girl!" He paused. He then began to laugh. Hysterically. So hard he fell over himself and rolled around on the floor.  
Kaoru opened her eyes in alarm. "Kenshin, you tried to kill me again?"  
Kenshin continued to roll around stupidly, laughing like the obnoxious dope that he was.  
"You tried to kill me?" Kaoru began to choke on the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. Kenshin sat up, choking from laughing so much. His skin began to change odd colors as his air was cut off. He grabbed his throat and coughed frantically.  
Tears were on the verge or falling from Kaoru's eyes. "You t-tried t- to k-kill me..?...I LOVE YOU!!" Kaoru ran over and grabbed Kenshin and hugged him. It looked more like she was attempting to kill him, which was probably half of what she was trying to do. Kenshin wheezed madly. The poor, suffocating murderer's eye's bulged illogically.  
Yahiko bursted into the room, catching Kaoru in the process of trying to do CPR on the now passed out Kenshin. "Goodness, Kaoru! Don't tell me you did it again?!" Kaoru stared innocently. "What?"  
Yahiko glared.  
Kaoru's eye twitched.  
Thoroughly annoyed, Yahiko marched over and grabbed Kenshin's sword. He then hung it outside the window, poised to drop it. "Oh Kenshin, I've got your sword and I'm gonna'-"  
"NOOO!" Kenshin jumped up and wretched his sword from the unsurprised little boy's hands. Kaoru stared, fascinated. The pleased rurouni cradled his weapon in his arms and began to hum softly to it. Yahiko snorted, and flicked his hair away from his face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go finish my manicure." Poising his head in an I'm-so-high-and-mighty- compared-to-you-worthless-fools pose, he marched out the door.  
Finally remembering that Sano had fallen out the window, Kenshin rushed over and leaned over the ledge, to see what the crushed carcass would look like. There he was, perfectly normal, well, Sano's definition of normal; hitting himself on the head. "But how could that freak survive the fall?!" Kenshin thought out loud. Sano looked up. He screamed.  
"AHHHH! The deranged midget assassin is out to get me!!!!"  
"AHHHH! The idiotic psycho is still alive-hey, I wouldn't be talking about being deranged, buster!"  
"MUHAHAHAHA!! I'm evil!"  
Kenshin stared.  
"What? I am evil!" stated Kaoru as-a-matter-a-factly.  
"Yeah, yeah. We all know that already."  
The surprised murderer leaned farther out the window and looked at Sano. Sano looked back. Kenshin stared. Sano glared. Kenshin stared again. Sano glared more intensely. Kenshin smiled and then gave Sano the death glare. Sano screamed and passed out.  
Kaoru, noticing that Kenshin was leaning out the window, was really tempted to push him.  
Jumping with joy at finally killing the idiotic psycho, Kenshin raced outside to where he lay upon the earthy ground. He pulled out his sword and lightly poked the passed out man (if he really is a man at all).  
Suddenly, the idiotic man awoke and seized the sword from the startled assassin's hands. Sano jumped up and raced off, he shoes pounding on the ground, dust swirling about his feet. Kenshin screamed.  
"NOOO! MY PRECIOUS!!!"  
Kaoru stared in fascination.  
"Don't just stand there and stare! Don't you know what will happen if Sano gets a hold of my sword?"  
Kaoru blinked.  
Sighing, Kenshin explained. "He will kill himself. Or worse, break it."  
Kaoru blinked.  
"Wait, what am I thinking?" the red haired man grinned evilly and rubbed his hands together. "If I kills himself, I'll be happy-"  
"AIEEEEEE!!"  
Kenshin grinned and began to run in the direction of the noise. He stopped and slapped his forehead at the site. There stood Seijiro, staring at Sano in a most abnormal way.  
"AHHHHH!!! It's the freaky kid-OUCH! Hey that hurt!"  
"Sorry, I had to see if you were real."  
"Why?!"  
"Well, I just can't believe that I'm seeing a idiotic psycho for my first time."  
Sano growled.  
Seijiro turned around, finally noticing that Kenshin had arrived. He smiled. Then burped.  
"Come. It is time."  
Back a ways, a little bit behind the beautiful simplicity of the hedge, stood Kaoru and Yahiko, watching the arrival of the annoying little assassin boy. A soft breeze broke the silence of the evening. Kaoru nudged Yahiko with her elbow.  
"Like, ow!!"  
"Sorry." Kaoru replied. She nudged Yahiko again.  
"Will you cut that out?!!"  
"Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just have a question."  
"Yes?"  
"Isn't that guy the wandering sales man?"  
"Yeah, I'm afraid so. Some say, his savings is so great, that everyone falls willingly to his great power. He even has . . .buy one get one free!"  
Kaoru gasped and started biting her nails.  
"No one can beat him. He has sold more than any other man! Such great savings!!" Yahiko turned his head in fear. Kaoru's eyes widened twice their normal size.  
Kenshin glared at Seijiro, prepared to draw his sword, then realized that the stupid dope Sano had taken it. Seijiro laughed. "Mr.Himura, I have come to offer you a deal."  
Kenshin glared.  
"A great deal."  
"I'm ready to take on whatever you bring, smiley man!"  
Seijiro smiled. "Hey, I like that name! Maybe that can be my logo!" Seijiro paused in deep thought. Kenshin coughed. Seijiro awoke from his trance.  
"I have a great deal."  
"You already said that."  
"Oh yeah, well, I have a great deal."  
Kenshin sighed. "And?"  
"Be forewarned, that this is no ordinary deal. This one will actually shock you. You will buy my product."  
"Make me."  
"What exactly is this great product?" chirped Sano, stupidly petting the sharp side of Kenshin's sword.  
Seijiro smiled. "It's a one of a kind, FIRE IN A CAN!!"  
Silence. Crickets can be heard.  
"But this is no ordinary fire in a can, this one is special. This one has a special nozzle. All you have to do is press the nozzle, aim it at your friend, and it will set them on fire. Created by Lord Shishio!!"  
Yahiko sighed. "It figures."  
Kenshin drooled at the thought, and then regained his posture. "How much is it though?"  
Seijiro paused to be dramatic. "Only . . .$1.99."  
Everyone gasped. Kenshin couldn't take it.  
"No, not only $.1.99!!!"  
"Yes!"  
"No!"  
"YES!"  
"NO!"  
"YYEESS!!"  
"Oh, shut up!!"  
"Sorry."  
With a heavy heart, Kenshin accepted Seijiro's offer. Who could resist the temptation of being able to set Sano on fire? Or any idiot for that matter?  
"O.k. I'll take one."  
Seijiro grinned. "I win!" He began to cackle.  
Kaoru jumped out from the bushes, tears streaked her face. She looked at Kenshin, sobbing. "How could you Kenshin? WHY?!!"  
"The savings was just to great!!" Kenshin fell on the floor and rolled up into a little ball. "Such great savings . . .such great savings . . ."  
Seijiro reached inside the leather pack that lay beside him. Obviously it carried his merchandise. He pulled out one can of Fire In A Can and held it out to Kenshin. "Here's your item!" Kenshin jumped up, paid the happy man, and grabbed the can of destruction. He grinned evilly. Sano started to sweat. "Hey Kenshin, would you mind not looking at me so evilly?"  
Kenshin glared and rubbed his can.  
"Please?"  
"You have a 10 second head start."  
"AIEEEEEE!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Peeko-"Well, that's the end of my first chapter! I hope you like it!!" ^-^  
  
Sano-"Who would like it?! You made me look like a total dolt!!!"  
  
Peeko-"Sorry, I couldn't help myself! I mean, you are the character that's the most like himself!"  
  
Sano-"Why you-"  
  
Peeko-^-^ "You know, I really like this Fire In A Can. It's really cool." *starts petting can*  
  
Sano-O-o  
  
Kenshin-"You made me look really evil, that you did." -_-  
  
Peeko-"You gotta' remember that this is supposed to be kinda' like the opposites of all the characters. Since you really are a nice, non-killing guy, you now are an evil killing kind of guy!"  
  
Kenshin *sigh*  
  
Yahiko-"And what am I supposed to be? Some pretty princess guy?!!"  
  
Peeko-"Well, I guess so."  
  
Yahiko-"OOH! Let me at her! LET ME AT HER!!" *is held back by Sano*  
  
Sano-"On second thought, you can go attack her." *lets go of Yahiko*  
  
*Peeko side steps and Yahiko falls off of cliff*  
  
Peeko-^-^ "oops!"  
  
Kaoru-O-o "I won't even bother complaining."  
  
Peeko-"Review, people!" ^-^ 


End file.
